Perfection

In life I think we all strive for some kind of perfection. The perfection that we seek is usually not that complicated. The perfect slice of pie. The perfect sunset. The perfect smile when you make a friend laugh. A great pair of shoes.

I had the perfect family. A great husband and "one of each" - a smart, amazing daughter and adorable, bubbly son. Two years apart and the best of friends. They were good kids and life was fabulous. Anything I had to complain about was usually pretty petty stuff.

With Bea's passing suddenly my life was imperfect. Eight months later I am just starting to figure out this new imperfect life. Chris is still great and Lewis is still adorable and bubbly. But I still need my smart and amazing Beatrice. Lewis still needs his sister and Chris still needs his Boo. That need for her makes even wonderful days less than perfect. It doesn't make those days necessarily sad but it leaves me with the feeling that something was supposed to happen and didn't.

If you have a sick child, especially a child who is terminally ill, make sure that you enjoy every second with him or her that you can. Enjoy that perfect time you have with them. Because even when Bea was at her most ill I felt that life was still perfect. Stressful and sometimes painful but perfect. It was so much better to have her than to not.