We went on our first vacation without Bea last week. We went to St. Simon's Island, a lovely, hot and lazy little beach town on the southern tip of GA. It was a week of beach days, lunching at the 4th of May and eating ice cream at Moo Cow. A nice, simple week with an ocean view. Even the ocean there is lazy with waves barely hitting 6 inches tall.
Days like last week's are often very surreal for me. They seem more like a dream than days that are actually happening. I catch myself not believing that the moment is real and that Bea is truly gone. I never spend all day in this kind of non-real place but there are lots of those short moments where my breath leaves me and nothing makes sense. And then I breathe again and I know where I am and what I have to do.
I am still a mom and that keeps me focused and grounded. I still have a wonderful little man to care for and a personal life that's full of good things. I know that. I just wish so very badly that I had my Sweet Bea back to share them with, too.