The month that I dreaded is just about over.
Bea's 8th birthday was this past Thursday. I took Lewis out of school and Chris took the day off. The plan was to go to the Atlanta Botanic Gardens but we just couldn't get moving. So we ended up going out to lunch and the park. Then we went home and spent some time in our back yard. Chris tended to the garden.
I know that a lot of friends read my blog to see what's really going on because in person I don't get really emotional. It makes me uncomfortable and that discomfort overrides any grief that I'm feeling. So I get upset and cry on my own, which is how I prefer it.
This month has been especially hard and it's made me a real pain in the ass some days. I'm cranky and pretty whiny when I talk to friends. It's a little hard to be positive some days. I don't ever spend a day sulking or sleeping or anything like that. But, the sunny side of things that usually presents itself isn't.
So I continue to do the things that I like to do and don't avoid anything that's difficult. The reason is that even when I'm down I am optimistic about my future. I hope that one day I'll be able to look at a photo album of Bea and feel happy. Maybe not blissfully happy but that'd be just fine.