Bea returned to school a week ago. It was well time for it to happen and time for me to let go of my fear of having her out of my sight.
Going back to school has ultimately been good for the entire family. There's a sense of normalcy that we haven't had in some months. That lingering feeling that something's not quite right is always present but it's not chirping so loud right now. And, that's just with me. Bea is another story.
She's thrilled to be back at school. The routine is pretty much the same as in the fall. I have to drag her out of bed. She watches the Pink Panther or the Jetsons or some other old school cartoon while she eats her breakfast. She procrastinates on getting dressed and minutes before the bus comes she decides she has to go potty. Same old. Same old. Then I get her at the bus stop and sometimes she plays with the neighborhood kids for an hour or two and sometimes we go pick up Lewis at his school.
So, what's a gal to do when her kids are away? Well, good news for me, too. I'm going back to work this week, teaching a condensed schedule of 2 days a week at the Art Institute. I'm prepping my classes 100% before the first day, which is a first. And, so my days are filled with work right now. That's a good thing. If I didn't have that I don't know what I would do or what my mood would bring.
I dunno. It's been hard to write lately. I don't feel the same verve for words that I felt a few weeks back. Part of it is because the stress isn't high pitched and not hitting those chords in my brain that make me want to express myself. Maybe I'm tired and need to be OK with not always producing things... producing money with fundraising, producing art because I need to expunge the awfulness of cancer, writing because I need the world to know what it really means to have a child with cancer. Yeah, I'm definitely burned out.
But, that being said, Bea is not burned out and she's more important than all that stuff. So, that keeps me going day in and day out. She's happy and her happiness is all that matters.