I was driving this morning and an odd thought came to mind. A lot do usually, regardless of what my life is like now or what it was like before Bea was diagnosed. I'm a pretty random thinker but somehow manage to pull it all together before I let lose with real spoken words. Usually.
Anyway, so I thought about how time felt when I was a child. My memory says that days felt like weeks comparable to now. Summer break was a blissful eternity. The days leading up to Christmas were agonizingly slow. Eating an ice cream cone took an hour. Doing homework felt like days. I was consciously consuming every second. Everything seemed important. I hadn't learned how to gloss over a beautiful day or smiling face or pass up the opportunity for a good conversation with a friend. I don't remember just trying to get through the day so that I could deal with the next one. It was all important right then. This is how I remember now and I'm assuming that's how it felt back then. This is how I'm trying to live my life now but it's all just passing so darn fast.
So, I thought about how Bea and Lewis feel time now. How many years did Lewis live when Bea was gone in the hospital? How many hours pass for Bea when she's at the doctor's office, even though the visit is less than 60 minutes? How many weeks was our visit with relatives in Charleston? How many days are in a week for them? How many hours in a day? Does time have a different pace for them than for me?
I sure hope so because I plan to get a lifetime into the next 12 months.
Definitely. Time is so incredibly subjective. And at that age, time is endless.
ReplyDeleteI suppose when time is always presented to us in little bite-sized pieces or in a routinely manner, then we follow it. We follow time. It takes us by the hand and guides us through our day. We measure almost everything in time. Every single day is broken up into neat little pieces of time that we can easily digest and absorb.
However, if you were able to somehow discard that notion/tradition over the next year, then perhaps time will follow you? Rather than time dictating your days, you will take control of time.
So well put Helen. I hadn't really thought about it that way, but it is somehow comforting and provides perspective.
ReplyDeleteI read an article and psychologists proved that time seems to go faster the older you are. We can surf on 'autopilot' most of the time and we have to concentrate less because there are less things that are "new" to process.
ReplyDelete